I graduated. Which means I'm a doctor. Which means people might actually listen to me. Which is terrifying. On the other hand, I can't legally do anything until I get my license. Oh well.
Internship starts in 20 days. Not sure if I'll write about that - too many concerns about patient confidentiality, don't want to piss anyone off by writing about them, etc. That's why I haven't written all year... anything I want to say has the potential to be seen by someone who shouldn't see it.
In the meantime... Happy to be back in NYC. 10 year Hunter reunion this weekend. Half-assedly trying not to be too fat, but I figure it's at a bar and it should be dark. Excited to see what's become of everyone. Then graduation party. Then off to Ireland for a little solo vacation.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Yeah
It turns out I'm not so good at this blogging thing. It's just another thing to procrastinate about, to castigate myself for, to feel less worthy for not doing well. So I probably should just stop - delete the damn thing, forget about it. But some part of me really wants to do it, to actually write on a regular basis, to keep track of my life. Maybe I'm just a masochist. Maybe I just can't resist any opportunity to look at myself and say "here's another thing at which you've failed." Healthy, really.
So, here's what's happening now:
Current rotation: anesthesia. Haaaate. At least it's a good group. Otherwise, haaaate.
Currently should be: Studying for boards. Working on internship applications. Asking for recommendations for internships. Cleaning my room.
Currently convinced I will: Fail boards. Not get an internship. Not have the courage to even ask for recommendations, much less find three people who are willing to write them for me. Be a really terrible vet, given that I'm more than halfway through my rotations and still feel like I know nothing. Live in squalor forever, and eventually be eaten by a giant dust bunny.
Good things: Crazy Cat and BJ sat peacefully on the couch together today. I'm pretty sure no animals have died as a direct result of being in my care. Have not had complete nervous breakdown (only little ones). May have lost weight (not sure - don't own a scale).
Music I am currently vaguely obsessed with: Fall Out Boy. Ok Go.
New TV show I like: Heroes.
So, here's what's happening now:
Current rotation: anesthesia. Haaaate. At least it's a good group. Otherwise, haaaate.
Currently should be: Studying for boards. Working on internship applications. Asking for recommendations for internships. Cleaning my room.
Currently convinced I will: Fail boards. Not get an internship. Not have the courage to even ask for recommendations, much less find three people who are willing to write them for me. Be a really terrible vet, given that I'm more than halfway through my rotations and still feel like I know nothing. Live in squalor forever, and eventually be eaten by a giant dust bunny.
Good things: Crazy Cat and BJ sat peacefully on the couch together today. I'm pretty sure no animals have died as a direct result of being in my care. Have not had complete nervous breakdown (only little ones). May have lost weight (not sure - don't own a scale).
Music I am currently vaguely obsessed with: Fall Out Boy. Ok Go.
New TV show I like: Heroes.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Sometimes, my life is so odd
I'm currently rewriting the lyrics to Gilbert and Sullivan's "Modern Major General" so that it's all about veterinary dentistry. And given that I need to have this done by tomorrow morning (so I can make an ass of myself in front of the class), I don't really care that biopsy and mandibulectomy don't exactly rhyme. I think the creative part of my brain has atrophied in the past few years.
Small animal block has been fun... I did pretty much nothing for weeks on end. And now everything's due, all at once. I work well under pressure, right?
Small animal block has been fun... I did pretty much nothing for weeks on end. And now everything's due, all at once. I work well under pressure, right?
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
So much music
I've been spending a lot of time lately listening to Pandora. Pandora is this awesome web radio thing. You make "stations" by typing in the name of an artist or a song title. It then plays songs that are musically similar to whatever you've selected. I'm fascinated by this thing - I don't always hear the similarities, but I tend to like what's played for me, so I guess it works.
When I started using Pandora, I found that they didn't have Bishop Allen in their database. I sent an email, and lo and behold, I'm now listening to my very own Bishop Allen station. I feel like my musical taste has somehow been validated - the band I recommended was deemed worthy by someone, and thus I am also worthy. Yes, this is how my brain works.
In other news, baseball season has started. I'm following a Yankee game online, looking forward to moving back to New York where I can actually watch the games on TV. YES Network, I miss you so much.
Yesterday we got our schedules for all of 4th year. Mine's okay - pretty much what I asked for. I'm a little freaked out about going back to clinics, but I'm sure it'll be okay. At the moment, I'm very much enjoying my relatively light course load. It's like being an undergrad again - some days I only have two hours of class! Weird. Nice, though.
When I started using Pandora, I found that they didn't have Bishop Allen in their database. I sent an email, and lo and behold, I'm now listening to my very own Bishop Allen station. I feel like my musical taste has somehow been validated - the band I recommended was deemed worthy by someone, and thus I am also worthy. Yes, this is how my brain works.
In other news, baseball season has started. I'm following a Yankee game online, looking forward to moving back to New York where I can actually watch the games on TV. YES Network, I miss you so much.
Yesterday we got our schedules for all of 4th year. Mine's okay - pretty much what I asked for. I'm a little freaked out about going back to clinics, but I'm sure it'll be okay. At the moment, I'm very much enjoying my relatively light course load. It's like being an undergrad again - some days I only have two hours of class! Weird. Nice, though.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
I went away, and came back
I just signed up for a Flickr account today, so I'm trying out the "blog this photo" feature. So, if this works, there should be a picture of me on Blackcomb Mountain (in western Canada) alongside this post.
The trip was great. The skiing was incredible, and Vancouver is lovely. I got irritable about halfway through, but the family will forgive me.
The trip was great. The skiing was incredible, and Vancouver is lovely. I got irritable about halfway through, but the family will forgive me.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
I'm alive!
Survived my first four rotations, despite one rough week in soft tissue surgery. Don't really feel like writing about it, since it was a week ago and I'm past the emotion of it all. Suffice it to say that I've survived and that I'm ready for vacation. Off to Whistler tomorrow to fulfill my Olympic dreams (or, well, to try to keep up with my speedy brother). The Olympics, my obsession and distraction for the past fortnight, end tonight, if NBC ever gets around to actually showing the closing ceremonies.
Skiing, here I come. And then it's back to class - I never thought I'd be so happy just to go to school, but clinics have worn me out. How am I going to get through a whole year of this? One at a time, I guess, counting on reserves buried somewhere deep inside me - because otherwise, I'm kinda screwed.
Skiing, here I come. And then it's back to class - I never thought I'd be so happy just to go to school, but clinics have worn me out. How am I going to get through a whole year of this? One at a time, I guess, counting on reserves buried somewhere deep inside me - because otherwise, I'm kinda screwed.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
I have a blog? Really?
Okay, so it turns out I'm almost as bad at blogging as I am at writing in an actual journal. Oh well - either way I'm mostly writing for me. I'm still not sure who I really want to read this, anyway.
Since I last posted, lots of things have happened. Finished core courses (and went to corresponding party, where I got all dressed up and drunk in the presence of many dinosaurs), went home, got awesome digital camera, gave Mom slightly less awesome digital camera, watched many dvds with family while it rained outside, borrowed the parental station wagon and drove over 5 hours all by my self. Survived my first two clinical rotations. I suppose I should write something about those four weeks. I was so scared before they started - had trouble sleeping the night before I left. But it turns out that I'm tougher than I'd thought. I usually am (except when I think I'm going to be super tough, at which point I generally fall apart).
Anyway, I moved into the dorm (not too bad - nice big kitchen, lots of fun nights in the tv room - but I missed my cat and I'm glad to be home) and started my first rotation - technically, Large Animal Emergency/Critical Care, but actually the high risk half of the LA Med rotation (I hit the overlap between old and new foundation requirements). All the other students in the group were also small animal types, and were really nice about helping me out during the first few days when I was confused and a little frantic. Going into detail about those two weeks is just way too boring, so I'll just say that we mostly took care of colic cases. I got called in for two colics in one night when I was on call, which kind of sucked, but luckily neither went to surgery, and both eventually got better and went home. One was a really cute miniature horse. Awww. I also had a really cool case of bovine endocarditis.
After that, I had two weeks on Field Service, which were pretty fun. I got to help with a bunch of LDA surgeries during my bovine week, which was awesome. I like suturing things. The cow week was more fun than the horse week, mostly because the clinicians who go out on bovine calls are really great. I did a case report on the cutest patient we saw: a calf named Elmo with pneumonia. The equine people are nice too, but are much more into the structured question-asking, which always makes me nervous, mostly because while I'm generally clueless, I'm even more clueless about large animals. Also making me nervous: the fact that I don't have any instinct about equine body language. I'm so used to animals that attack with their heads that I put myself in some danger a few times by standing too close to back legs. Luckily, I never got hurt.
So now I'm back home (yaaaay!) and two days into the oncology rotation. So far it's pretty good. I was nervous at first, of course (I have a feeling I'm going to be nervous before every rotation I do, 'cause that's who I am), but it's not as intense as a lot of other rotations, so it's a good way to ease myself into VHUP a bit. Many of the cases we're seeing are really sad (they do all have cancer, after all), but it's great to see how well most of them do with chemotherapy. It's not a specialty I could really see myself doing - I don't think I'm strong enough emotionally to deal with cancer all day, every day. I need some happy puppy visits to break up the sadness. It's really interesting so far, though, and the clinicians are good teachers. I've been doing really badly with all of my attempts to get blood from jugular veins, which is really frustrating, even though everyone's been nice about it. I'm hoping to do it successfully by the end of the week, because it's getting a little ridiculous. I just need a non-overweight, well-hydrated, well-behaved, short-haired dog. Is that so much to ask?
So here's a nice long post to make up for more than a month of blog silence. I'm going to try to post more often, because I know that getting my thoughts out is good for me, no matter whether anyone else sees it.
Since I last posted, lots of things have happened. Finished core courses (and went to corresponding party, where I got all dressed up and drunk in the presence of many dinosaurs), went home, got awesome digital camera, gave Mom slightly less awesome digital camera, watched many dvds with family while it rained outside, borrowed the parental station wagon and drove over 5 hours all by my self. Survived my first two clinical rotations. I suppose I should write something about those four weeks. I was so scared before they started - had trouble sleeping the night before I left. But it turns out that I'm tougher than I'd thought. I usually am (except when I think I'm going to be super tough, at which point I generally fall apart).
Anyway, I moved into the dorm (not too bad - nice big kitchen, lots of fun nights in the tv room - but I missed my cat and I'm glad to be home) and started my first rotation - technically, Large Animal Emergency/Critical Care, but actually the high risk half of the LA Med rotation (I hit the overlap between old and new foundation requirements). All the other students in the group were also small animal types, and were really nice about helping me out during the first few days when I was confused and a little frantic. Going into detail about those two weeks is just way too boring, so I'll just say that we mostly took care of colic cases. I got called in for two colics in one night when I was on call, which kind of sucked, but luckily neither went to surgery, and both eventually got better and went home. One was a really cute miniature horse. Awww. I also had a really cool case of bovine endocarditis.
After that, I had two weeks on Field Service, which were pretty fun. I got to help with a bunch of LDA surgeries during my bovine week, which was awesome. I like suturing things. The cow week was more fun than the horse week, mostly because the clinicians who go out on bovine calls are really great. I did a case report on the cutest patient we saw: a calf named Elmo with pneumonia. The equine people are nice too, but are much more into the structured question-asking, which always makes me nervous, mostly because while I'm generally clueless, I'm even more clueless about large animals. Also making me nervous: the fact that I don't have any instinct about equine body language. I'm so used to animals that attack with their heads that I put myself in some danger a few times by standing too close to back legs. Luckily, I never got hurt.
So now I'm back home (yaaaay!) and two days into the oncology rotation. So far it's pretty good. I was nervous at first, of course (I have a feeling I'm going to be nervous before every rotation I do, 'cause that's who I am), but it's not as intense as a lot of other rotations, so it's a good way to ease myself into VHUP a bit. Many of the cases we're seeing are really sad (they do all have cancer, after all), but it's great to see how well most of them do with chemotherapy. It's not a specialty I could really see myself doing - I don't think I'm strong enough emotionally to deal with cancer all day, every day. I need some happy puppy visits to break up the sadness. It's really interesting so far, though, and the clinicians are good teachers. I've been doing really badly with all of my attempts to get blood from jugular veins, which is really frustrating, even though everyone's been nice about it. I'm hoping to do it successfully by the end of the week, because it's getting a little ridiculous. I just need a non-overweight, well-hydrated, well-behaved, short-haired dog. Is that so much to ask?
So here's a nice long post to make up for more than a month of blog silence. I'm going to try to post more often, because I know that getting my thoughts out is good for me, no matter whether anyone else sees it.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Regrets, fears, and sleepy cats
Should be studying Derm. Can't make myself study any more tonight. Can't help but wonder what kind of student I would be if I had the ability to really focus, to get up early and study all day, to go to every class and really pay attention. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing my future patients a disservice, but at this point it's a little late for that. Maybe once I get in the clinics I'll be motivated, energized, turn into the kind of student I always think, somewhere deep inside, that I could be, that I desperately want to be. I'm terrified to walk into my Large Animal Emergency/Critical Care rotation on January 3, knowing how unprepared I probably am. I'd like to think that all that knowledge is stored somewhere in my brain, and that it'll all come out when I need it, but I'm just not sure. Even scarier, in a way, will be all those small animal rotations, where I really want to shine, really want to learn, but am so afraid that I'm going to stumble, that I'll go blank even when it's something I really know, just because I get nervous when people fire questions at me. I guess I'm going to have to get used to it.
Crazy Cat is asleep on my printer, her head hanging off the side, twitching in REM sleep and dreaming kitty dreams. Sometimes I wish I were a cat.
Crazy Cat is asleep on my printer, her head hanging off the side, twitching in REM sleep and dreaming kitty dreams. Sometimes I wish I were a cat.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
TV makes me cry
I'd like to believe that's all it is, but right now it's not. I'd also like to think it's just PMS, but it's not.
I push people away, so that when I need them they're not there anymore.
I push people away, so that when I need them they're not there anymore.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Sometimes I think I'm really boring
Reading over my last post, I find myself whiny, annoying, and generally uninteresting. While I'm still in a pretty awful mood, I'm going to try not to whine too much today. I've got a cat purring in my lap, so things just can't be that bad. Our spay dog from last week was adopted this weekend - I'm so glad that she's not living in a cage anymore. I'm going to try once again to post a picture of her:
Oh good, it appears to be working. Isn't she cute? Check out those muscles!
And while we're at it, here's our first spay dog, on which I was the primary surgeon. I don't know what happened to her, but I'm sure she's been adopted by now. They do a pretty good job of getting these girls into new homes. The picture totally doesn't do her justice, but here she is:
Trying to be positive. Looking at these dogs whose lives I've been able to touch makes me feel a little better about myself. Plus, I did surgery and the dog survived. So that's cool.
Oh good, it appears to be working. Isn't she cute? Check out those muscles!
And while we're at it, here's our first spay dog, on which I was the primary surgeon. I don't know what happened to her, but I'm sure she's been adopted by now. They do a pretty good job of getting these girls into new homes. The picture totally doesn't do her justice, but here she is:
Trying to be positive. Looking at these dogs whose lives I've been able to touch makes me feel a little better about myself. Plus, I did surgery and the dog survived. So that's cool.
Friday, November 11, 2005
Trichotillomania
Tearing out my hair this week. Too much to do, too little time, too many crazy girly hormones making me act/feel like a bitch. Our spay dog, while a total cutie (I tried to upload a picture, but that crashed the browser, so you'll just have to trust me), was also something of a nutcase. 22 kg of pure muscle who refused to allow much manipulation. We couldn't take a temperature or draw blood until she was totally out, which took 45 minutes despite a whopping dose of pre-op drugs. So we were the last group to start surgery, and the last to leave recovery. She needed extra drugs so she wouldn't destroy us while we waited for her to warm up post-spay, not that we could get an accurate temperature since we couldn't get near her rear end. And of course by morning she was a sweet puppy again. Despite all the trouble she gave us, I'm still sad to send her back to PACCA. She's a cute dog, though, so she should find a home. Hopefully with people who know a good trainer...
So that was Wednesday. Thursday after class I had my ES history/PE experience, which was blessedly short due to the near-total lack of animals in ES at the time. No one really wanted four clueless third-years prodding at the single patient, a recently unblocked cat, so we examined a perfectly healthy dog belonging to a clinician. Thursday night we played an intramural football game. We remain undefeated (woohoo!) and I actually caught the ball. We scored on the next play. It was totally awesome. R threw a touchdown pass later in the game, and I was proud to be her roommate. Just a few more games to go for team Tie & Lock. I'll miss football next year - it's been a nice change from the daily grind.
So then there was the Med/Surg exam this morning. Yes, I played football the night before an exam. And no, I hadn't gotten through all the lectures yet at that point. It wasn't too bad, though... and it seems like no matter how much or how little I study for Med/Surg, I always end up with a B. Hopefully that continues to hold true.
Reading this over, the week actually doesn't sound that bad. Most of the stress came from trying to study Med/Surg in the middle of a surgery week with an uncooperative dog. Our next one's gonna be worse, though - test monday, surgery wednesday (and I'll be the anesthetist, which is so much less fun than surgeon or assistant), and then another test friday. And it's the week after Thanksgiving. Great. Hopefully I'll be less irritable that week. Going home for a few days and just not being with the same people every single freaking day will be nice.
Oh, and I got Early Entry (everyone who applied got it), so I'm happy about that. My first rotation (in January) will be Large Animal Emergency/Critical Care. Oy vey.
Off to sew up teddy bears for little kids in the morning at the Commerce Bank Carnivale of the Dogs in Rittenhouse Square. Should be entertaining.
So that was Wednesday. Thursday after class I had my ES history/PE experience, which was blessedly short due to the near-total lack of animals in ES at the time. No one really wanted four clueless third-years prodding at the single patient, a recently unblocked cat, so we examined a perfectly healthy dog belonging to a clinician. Thursday night we played an intramural football game. We remain undefeated (woohoo!) and I actually caught the ball. We scored on the next play. It was totally awesome. R threw a touchdown pass later in the game, and I was proud to be her roommate. Just a few more games to go for team Tie & Lock. I'll miss football next year - it's been a nice change from the daily grind.
So then there was the Med/Surg exam this morning. Yes, I played football the night before an exam. And no, I hadn't gotten through all the lectures yet at that point. It wasn't too bad, though... and it seems like no matter how much or how little I study for Med/Surg, I always end up with a B. Hopefully that continues to hold true.
Reading this over, the week actually doesn't sound that bad. Most of the stress came from trying to study Med/Surg in the middle of a surgery week with an uncooperative dog. Our next one's gonna be worse, though - test monday, surgery wednesday (and I'll be the anesthetist, which is so much less fun than surgeon or assistant), and then another test friday. And it's the week after Thanksgiving. Great. Hopefully I'll be less irritable that week. Going home for a few days and just not being with the same people every single freaking day will be nice.
Oh, and I got Early Entry (everyone who applied got it), so I'm happy about that. My first rotation (in January) will be Large Animal Emergency/Critical Care. Oy vey.
Off to sew up teddy bears for little kids in the morning at the Commerce Bank Carnivale of the Dogs in Rittenhouse Square. Should be entertaining.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Fingers crossed
Early Entry application is in... now I wait. Not that doing large animal block would be the end of the world - I'd just rather not. But am I really ready to start clinics in January? I have to remember that it's still supposed to be learning time. I'm not supposed to know everything just because I'm wearing a white coat, right?
I stole the new title of the blog from a great book about vet school (scroll down). But I do sit in the back row, so it fits. Yeah. Maybe I'll change it again, but for now it's the best I've got. Not that anyone's reading this anyway. At the moment this is just my journal, but I'm writing with the idea that someone could be reading, or that someday in the future this blog will become immensely popular and people will go back and read my early posts.
I stole the new title of the blog from a great book about vet school (scroll down). But I do sit in the back row, so it fits. Yeah. Maybe I'll change it again, but for now it's the best I've got. Not that anyone's reading this anyway. At the moment this is just my journal, but I'm writing with the idea that someone could be reading, or that someday in the future this blog will become immensely popular and people will go back and read my early posts.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Beagle boy found a home!
For the past two weeks, there has been a beagle in my living room. He was cute and rambunctious and I called him Charlie. We did everything we could to find his owner, but it seemed like she just didn't want to be found. So this weekend my roommate (I haven't decided whether to use names on this blog yet) took him to visit her parents (and their three beagles, one big chocolate lab, and three cats), and they've decided to keep him. I'll miss him - he's totally adorable and lots of fun - but the cats will be happy that he's gone. And frankly, I'm just not ready for a dog.
It seems a little pathetic, really. I'm 26 years old, a freakin' vet student, and I can't take care of a dog. But I'm just not there yet. Walks 4 times a day, the constant need to play... I guess I'm too selfish right now. I don't understand how people my age have kids already - I'm still way too immature for that. A cat I can handle, but that's about it. Will I ever grow up? Do I want to?
It seems a little pathetic, really. I'm 26 years old, a freakin' vet student, and I can't take care of a dog. But I'm just not there yet. Walks 4 times a day, the constant need to play... I guess I'm too selfish right now. I don't understand how people my age have kids already - I'm still way too immature for that. A cat I can handle, but that's about it. Will I ever grow up? Do I want to?
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Everyone else is doing it
I've been thinking about starting one of these blog things for a while, but every time I got close to signing up, something stopped me. Do I really want people reading this? What if no one reads it? How much can I reveal? Should I use it as a journal (since I'm terrible at keeping an actual written journal), and just not tell anyone about it? What if no one cares?
This kind of thought process keeps me from getting anything done, ever. Stupid brain.
Anyway, with 29 med/surg lectures to study for Monday morning's exam, this seemed like the perfect time to get started. I've spent countless hours reading the blogs of strangers, and I'm ready to become yet another voice in the internet wilderness.
So who am I? A native New Yorker living in West Philly. A third year veterinary student, a little freaked out by the prospect of actually being a doctor in less than two years. Okay, a lot freaked out. Owner of Crazy Cat, the cutest little weirdo ever. Irredeemable procrastinator.
This kind of thought process keeps me from getting anything done, ever. Stupid brain.
Anyway, with 29 med/surg lectures to study for Monday morning's exam, this seemed like the perfect time to get started. I've spent countless hours reading the blogs of strangers, and I'm ready to become yet another voice in the internet wilderness.
So who am I? A native New Yorker living in West Philly. A third year veterinary student, a little freaked out by the prospect of actually being a doctor in less than two years. Okay, a lot freaked out. Owner of Crazy Cat, the cutest little weirdo ever. Irredeemable procrastinator.
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